I knew it was bound to happen…
Eventually, I’d hit a point that I couldn’t keep it together anymore.
I thought it was going to be the first sight of my bed! No…
I haven’t cried during this whole process; landing in Spain, the check-in process, finding a house, time changes, being away from family, not knowing the language, stress of it all…no. It finally hit me when I was faced with issues many military spouses face…trying to take care of things when your military member is gone and you can’t fix it.
We are moving into our house tomorrow and there was a problem with getting some paperwork processed so we can move into the house…mind you – I have worked so hard to get everything done correctly and early enough that I wouldn’t have to deal with this and yet despite all my efforts and doing everything correctly and early enough – it didn’t matter. This includes months of research, getting everything dialed in and squared away – all that effort almost felt wasted at this moment.
I am thankful that a solution was found.
However, the obstacles that I had to face alone is the reason why I finally broke down in tears. Feeling helpless in the face of taking care of my daughter is one thing that cut me hard and deep.
I am thankful that even though I’m “alone” here, I am not alone. I have found and been accepted (quickly) into an amazing network of other military spouses and well connected too who reached out ASAP to ensure that I was okay, how could they help, advice, tissues, whatever I needed.
I am writing this in my desire, to be honest with myself as well as with others who might be reading this blog;
It isn’t easy moving away from your home country, wherever that may be. If you are connected with the military and are getting stationed away from what you know, it isn’t easy. Even if you are a travel junkie like me, who couldn’t wait to get here for all the opportunities that I will have during my time here – still doesn’t make it easy.
You have to be strong and you have to be brave. Remember though, you don’t have to be strong all the time – it is okay to have a few waterworks here and there. I keep telling everyone I’ve met during this moving process to give themselves grace. Now it is time to take my own advice and not get down on myself because I was scared and worried that I couldn’t take care of the “home front” – we are going to be okay.
I read something recently my best friend put up on Facebook “I’m not okay…but I will be” between that and “This too shall pass” are the quotes to live by currently.
I hope you’ve been encouraged a little. I am excited to finally see my bed and all our stuff tomorrow! Making the move feel much more real than it has been living out of a hotel.
Traveling Photographer out